They all said “security at Heathrow is a nightmare” but that had never been my experience…until Tuesday. Our flight from Phoenix arrived at London Heathrow at 1:30 PM on time. The flight to Nice did not depart until 4:15 PM. Plenty of time to get lunch, cruise the duty free shops in the big mall inside Terminal 3. “But Madame, you must first go through security.”

 
After traversing the zig zag lines that took us up to the FIRST security check point (mind you, we are inside the terminal, having just deplaned from a transAtlantic flight). Rows of silver metal tables attended by uniformed men who said “All liquids must be removed from your bags. You may put them ALL in this plastic bag (4X6) and it MUST close.” Is toothpaste liquid? Is vaseline liquid? Do eye drops count? What about nose spray? “Yes madame, EVERYTHING must fit in the plastic bag and you must close it.” Three plastic bags later everything that I could remember packing that was liquid was in bags that would not close.
I walked to the passport control. “Madame, you may only have THREE items to carry on the plane. THIS one MUST go under the seat as she pointed to the bright cerise tote bag. . You must decide which three you are going to carry. Out of the sack came my big brimmed sun hat and onto my head it went. Voilà…three items to carry on. Fortunately, she smiled.

 
Fast track along a corridor to a long slow line that was where the x-ray machines were waiting.  EVERYTHING electronic, ticking, liquid, shoes, (I’m over 75…that does not matter in the UK). Out came my THREE bags of liquids. Madame, you can only have ONE plastic bag and it MUST close. Thirty days worth of lotions and potions and sunscreen and eye drops in one 4X6 bag. It’s never going to happen Forty-five minutes later, with the help of people next to me in line and a very creative lady who did the “second screening” of my three trays of items (are all THREE of this bags yours, Madame?) I wearily exited security to make my way further along the way to a lounge for water and lunch.

 
But it was the Goddess of Creativity to whom I pay tribute. “Are you traveling alone, Madame?” Yes. “Are you SURE you are traveling alone, Madame.” Uh, (she gave me the raised eyebrow eye), no. How many people are you traveling with? Three. Point to them? And I gestured several lines up the way to a white haired man and woman. Fine, then you may have THREE bags because you are travelling with three people. By this time I was in on the conspiracy and watched with amazement as she got every single bottle, jar, tube, vessel including prescription eye drops and nose spray, into three bags, handed them all to me and said, “You may repack everything now. Enjoy the rest of your trip.”

 
There are two lessons to this little tale. The first one is not to take so many bottles. The second one is, be very very cooperative with those people at the security checkpoints at London Heathrow. Standing next to me while the Goddess of Creativity completed screening my items, was a business woman whose computer was next in line to be screened and wanded. She was in a hurry. She was stressed. And she was not at all quiet about it. “I’ve been waiting here for over thirty minutes”. No, Madame, you have been here thirteen minutes. “Will you just hand me my computer?” Madame, as soon as I have screened this lady’s things, I will screen your computer. You must wait your turn. At that, the very stressed lady raised her voice. The Goddess of Creativity shifted from efficient gear to very slow gear, packed and repacked my bottles and jars until she was apparently satisfied with how she got everything into the three sacks. I vacillated between amusement and embarrassment…I could have been that stressed lady twenty years ago and I was clearly embarrassed that my stuff was taking so much time. And I saw first hand just how much control of one’s destiny is vested in the creativity or restrictiveness of those whose job it is to screen for security at London Heathrow Airport.

 

( Ann D., you could have been behind me and I would have crawled into one of the bags.)